Pain In the Chest
by OLDSaphSoul
Summary: Lavi-centered. SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 70-something! What would Lavi's past have been like for him to have said...you'll see...in that chapter?


Hi Guys! I recently started Man. This should be my first fic for the series. It's a one-shot inspired by a certain chapter around the 70's. Please don't read any further into this fic if you haven't read past the 70's chapters. I don't want to be the cause of spoilers unless you want them. Either way, there will be references to that chapter, but asides from that this is purely fan-made. Without further ado, please enjoy!

-Saph

* * *

Lavi looks out towards the sea where one of his friends has disappeared.

_Come on, Lenalee, you're making me remember bad things._

He thinks. He knows he's not supposed to feel anything. Bookmen aren't supposed to have emotions but they remember every ghastly detail of everything. It's part of their job description. Bookmen exist to record the unrecorded history of the world. In order to do so, they have to have no emotions. They cannot take sides. They can't harbour emotional attachment to anyone or anything. Even so, he can't stop the ache in his chest. Why does it hurt like this? He doesn't know why but he does remember when he felt this way before.

Flashback:

"_Mom, dad!" A little boy cries as he runs._

_He laughs as he runs into the waiting arms of his loving parents. They are always laughing. They are a happy family._

"_Don't forget me!" A little girl cries._

_She runs into the group and wraps her small arms around her bigger brother's legs. The boy laughs. All of them laugh at the girl's antics as she clings to her older brother._

"_Dad, where are you going?" The boy with the red hair asks._

_His father is at the door, getting dressed. It's a hot summer day, but his father is dressed for rain. He puts his hat on as he grabs his briefcase. The boy doesn't know what is in the case, but it's too big to be anything in daily life. He is about to inquire when his mother walks in from the kitchen. She has a solemn look on her face. She isn't smiling like she always does and father isn't looking at any of them. The boy wonders at this but doesn't make a comment. He doesn't know why, but it feels like he should keep his mouth shut this time._

"_Well then, goodbye!" Father mutters._

_He turns around, his usual smile on his face. The boy doesn't know what is wrong with it, but it just doesn't feel the same. Mother smiles too but her usual smile is clouded with the same uneasy feeling that the boy saw in Father's smile._

" '_Goodbye'? Father, where are you going?" The boy asks, panic rising in his voice._

_Mother looks away. Both of their smiles disappear._

"_Son, daddy's going to sea for a while. Don't worry, I'll be back!" Father cheers._

_The boy looks to his mother, not sure why she isn't happy. They'll see him again, right?_

"_Mother?" The boy asks, his voice quivering._

_Mother hesitates before answering. The answer is a little snappy. Mother is unhappy._

"_Your father got a new job as a fisherman. He'll be out to sea to go fish. It'll take roughly a month depending on their catch." Mother snaps._

_The boy thinks for a moment, then it hits him and he lets out a smile._

"_Daddy's going out to catch dinner?" He asks._

_The father smiles and pats his head of red hair._

"_That's right. Your mother isn't too happy about it though."_

_Mother, biting her lip the whole time, finally loosens her tongue._

"_Of course I'm not happy! You'll be gone for a month, dear! How can I not worry?" She chokes out._

_Father wraps her in a one-armed hug as she cries into his shoulder._

"_All that worry is going to age you beyond your years, you know. Just sit tight and before you know it I'll be back with some world-class fish. You'd better have a great recipe in mind for when I do." Father chides._

_The boy watches as his parents hug each other and father is gone. Mother seems a little happier now. The boy doesn't think he has anything to worry about._

_The boy wakes up to cries. He crawls out of bed and walks to the stairs. Is that mother? Who's she with? It's a man's voice… He dashes down the stairs as fast as his short legs will take him._

"_Papa!" He yells, bursting into the room._

_He looks up. What he sees is not his father. It is another man. This man is wearing the same type of clothes father wore when he left. Mother is crying. She is sitting on a chair, a handkerchief to her eyes._

"_Mama? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" The boy asks._

_His mother doesn't respond. She chokes on a sob and turns away. The man turns to the boy and gets down on one knee._

"_Son…I'm not sure how to break this to you but…your father's lost at sea." He tells him solemnly._

_The boy can't comprehend this but something must be wrong. Still, he doesn't understand._

"_Papa's lost? What happened to his map? Papa is great with maps!" The boy cries._

_The man hugs him and whispers an apology. The boy doesn't know why, but he finds himself crying. It hurts. His chest hurts. Still, he doesn't give up. Papa will come home._

_Running through the tall grasses the boy laughs._

"_Hurry up, slow poke!" He calls over his shoulder._

"_S-Shut up! Unfair! You have longer legs than I do!" His sister yells._

_He just laughs at her._

_The two of them burst through the front door._

"_Mama, what's for dinner?" They ask._

_There is no answer. The house is silent._

"_Mama?" The boy asks, getting a bad feeling._

_He can feel the tension in his chest again but he pushes that aside._

"_Where is mama?" The girl asks, gripping his arm._

_The two run through the entire house but can't find their mother. It's when they hear a knock at the door that they go back. It isn't their mother at the door. They thought she just went out to get some vegetables. It's a group of people from the town. They all have sad looks on their faces. The men with hats have them off and clutched to their chests._

_That's when they get the news. The boy feels his chest tighten. It's uncomfortable. His sister's cries just hurt him all the more._

_Their mother is dead. She was found at the shore. She drowned herself at the edge of the sea. Apparently, she got the news that they had stopped searching for papa. He was declared dead and the people gave up on her. That was too much for her so she went to join her love. The boy always knew something like this would happen. It's been half a year since they got the first news about their father. The pain in his chest has never went away. It stayed, and now it's getting worse._

_He grips his sister to his chest. He still has her. She is still with him. He tells himself that it is all he needs._

"_Where are you? Sis? Hey, squirt!" The boy calls as he walks through the village._

_He is dressed in black. The town had a small funeral for their parents just a few hours ago. His sister has been missing since after the funeral. They were holding hands throughout the ceremony. When did she let go? That's what he wants to know. Without any other options, he goes back to the grave of their parents. His little sister is there, standing with her head bowed. He smiles a crooked smile._

"_So this is where you were. Crying isn't going to make them come back, you know." He mutters. "Sheesh. You're such a pain! How many times are you going to get lost? Come on, the old man down the street says he'll let us stay for the night." The boy mutters._

_His sister doesn't move. She doesn't raise her head. He sighs and goes to her._

"_What, are you still crying?" He asks._

_He knows he is being harsh. Even he feels like crying. But he has to be strong for his sister. It won't do any good for both of them to break down. Someone has to get them home and someone has to tuck her in at night. That's what he has decided. He'll cry and mourn after she is asleep._

_She still doesn't move. She begins to shake._

"_What's wrong?" He asks again._

_She continues to shake, but he notices something strange. She isn't shaking with sobs. Her body is morphing. Suddenly-it rips._

"_W-What?" He screams._

_Before him, emerging out of the disfigured body of his sister, is a monster._

"_Get back!" Someone yells._

_The boy doesn't move, but he doesn't have to. A dark figure jumps in front of him and takes down the beast._

"_WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S MY SISTER!" He screeches._

_An old man holds him back._

"_It's not your sister anymore! It's an Akuma!" The old man tells him and the figure in the black coat goes about defeating the beast._

_The boy can only cry as his sister is destroyed. He screams throughout it all but the pain of his throat is no match for the newly awakened pain in his heart. He has lost all of them now. All three of them._

_The boy watches. The man in the black coat mourns a little and says a few words, but the old man holding him is indifferent. In that moment the boy knows what he wants. He wants to be like that. Well, not the old part, and certainly not looking like a panda, but he wants to be strong like the old man. He wants to surpass the pain in his chest. He doesn't want to feel it anymore._

End Flashback

That was the moment Lavi had decided that he had wanted to follow the old panda. He just wanted to get rid of that pain. It seemed to work. Now, the pain stirs up in his chest again.

_Please come back, Lenalee. I don't want to lose anything dear to me anymore._

He clutches his head.

_See? You're making me remember bad things._

End.

* * *

So, how was it? I know it was a little rushed, but I haven't written anything in a REALLY long time! Stupid math homework! Five hours a night is torture! How the heck am I supposed to have time for anything else if I have to spend all my freaking time on math! AHH! Either way, please review!

-Saph


End file.
